How communication with children can be improved Many parents have learned the hard way

How communication with children can be improved

Many parents have learned the hard way that what sounds like open communication is often the very thing that closes a youngster’s ears and mouth．One mistake is the lecture，the long monologue that often starts with“When I was our age．．．"．Eighteen—year old Kelly calls lecture8“long，one—sided discussion in which I don’t say much．”Kids shut down in the face of a lecture．They don’t register any incoming information．

To Joe，who lives in Texas，this means not opening his own mouth until his daughter closes hers．“Listen to the end，no matter what you are being told，”he says．“If you blow up before listening to the whole story，be ready to apologize．”When your child has finished speaking，repeat for him what he just told you，then ask if that is essentially what he meant．Make sure you understand him before giving advice or taking action．

Just as important as how we talk or listen is when．According to the parents We interviewed，some of the most productive moments are bedtime and meantime．A mom from South Dakota has a nightly ritual：“When the kids are being put into bed，we always ask，what were the best times of your day？”what were the worst？ “We learn a lot．”

Affection，the softest，quietest approach to communication，is very common in strong families．Stan，father of two teenagers，has learned that affection can heal harsh moments．“There are times when it seems inappropriate to talk，”he points out．“But you can still communicate by touching one another．”Affection is a silent sign that no matter what disagreements or conflicts arise，as long as people can touch，they can eventually talk．

The best parents，we found，know they must persist in certain decisions，no matter how much the kids might disagree．However，decisiveness does not mean ignoring the kids．Allowing them a voice in family issues carries twe benefits．Children accept decisions better when they’re at least consulted，and they also see themselves as a valued part of the whole family．

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